Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
