I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
