My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
