I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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