But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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