dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
