your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
