You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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