just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
be right there i have to get my cape
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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