he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
