She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
