Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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