I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
