The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
