In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
