HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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