I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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