I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dignity is for republicans.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
