I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
