You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your penis caused this!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
