Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
