So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
