did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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