Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
