Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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