drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
