I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
