The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
