break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
