Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
