the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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