Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
