im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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