Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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