I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
