Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
