All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
