i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
