your thong is hanging out like whoa
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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