is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
