I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
