Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it's like iHOP with fire
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
