i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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