ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
