soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And then he peed in my hair
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