bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
