is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
