she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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