You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
