You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
