Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
